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Giving up

I shut down all my online dating accounts over the weekend.  I've been doing a lot of thinking about it and there's just no way I'm ever going to find anyone online.  Most of this post is flagged for people in the nobody and lovers groups.

It all comes down to me being flawed and small, and probably far too picky.  I don't know why I'm so particular that everything has to work or nothing does.  It's not like I wasn't getting interest from people on the dating sites it just wasn't the kind of people I was looking for.  It seems I'm only looking for unobtainable women, ones who have no interest in someone like me.  All that having an active profile was doing was making me keep looking at people that I know would never reply, no matter what I say.  Or girls who would seem interested but I knew as soon as they got to know me they would end it, and they did.  All it did is make me feel like I had less value as a person.

So that's about it.  A long post if you're in the Lovers or Nobody group but that's really nobody anymore.  I miss when I had someone that would read everything.

But I do think I'll be happier without the constant email reminders of all the wonderful people who are not interested in me.  Without thinking constantly of all the reasons I'm not worth anyone else's time.  I've already been over this line of thinking enough, I need to do something different with my time.  It was a nice experiment to think I could date but it has proven to be a failure.

Part of me really wants that failure to be an excuse to give up on the other part of the experiment.  But I know that kind of thinking is going to get me knowhere at all.  I really wish that I was someone that could drink but I know it would end badly again, there's nothing down that road for me either.

I don't know what there is for me down any road at this point.  Guess just my pathetic boring world, the same thing I had when I started writing my thoughts down on the internet. 

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