Guess I'm going to counseling as well as taking meds

I'm switching my meds to a different kind as well, so there will apparently be lots of changes.

Today started out pretty mellow.  I woke up pretty early again, about 6:30 but I couldn't get up out of bed and didn't actually get moving until about 9:30.  I had weird dreams while I was there, in it I had an older brother that was 'lost' but we found him again and he turned out to be a black woman.  I'm not sure how this was supposed to work but it was just a dream so I'm not questioning it too much.  I thought about getting up early to eat breakfast but I just wasn't hungry and there was nothing to do before work.

Work was pretty uneventful. Steady but nothing all that complicated to do.  Mostly small fixes and then more small fixes.  I honestly couldn't tell you exactly what I did it was all just such piddly little stuff. 

I had to leave about 2 hours early to head to my doctor's appointment.  From the start of it I could tell that something was different, they had me fill out a survey about what I wanted to get out of treatment.  I haven't really thought about it too much, I go to the clinic to get my meds not to get anything else.  So as long as I'm getting the meds and my mood is mostly stable, not too high and not too low then I figure I'm getting everything that I want.  They kept hounding me about going to counselling to help get me out of the depression and negative self-talk that I'm in.  I wasn't all that receptive, I don't feel like I'm really going to change anything, I've tried changing and it never seems to happen.  I'm always me at the core, and that me is a really negative depressed person.  It doesn't matter if I'm sober, if I'm drunk, if I'm high if I'm in a relationship or if I'm alone.  It's always just me at the core.

At any rate in the past they've told me that it's nearly impossible to get in to the counselling program at the clinic I go to so they've given me handouts wtih the contact information for different free clinics around town that I could go to but I've never followed up on it.  This time they said that they'd just set up an appointment for me there and get me seeing someone at the place I already go to.  I still didn't think that it would do much good but they told me that I don't need to believe that it's going to make any change, I just have to show up.  So I guess I'm going to be getting a call in the next week to find out when the first meeting is and then set up something on a more regular schedule.

We also talked about my meds too.  Since the Geodon that I'm taking has gone generic there are no more samples.  I used to get my pills as samples from the clinic because it's over 250 dollars a month for a prescription and with my health insurance I have to pay out of pocket until I hit something like 6000 dollars I think.  Now that I've quit smoking pot I could probably afford a prescription but it would really cut into what I'm saving so I'd rather not do that.  Apparently all of the medications that work the same as the Geodon are all pretty expensive.  They suggested Lamictal as an alternative so I got a prescription for that.  Apparently it will only be 17 dollars a month which is much easier to afford.  It's apparently pretty good for treating the depression side of bipolar disorder but not as good with the manic end of things.  I tend to mostly just be depressed so that's probably going to be good for me.  There are some potential side effects, apparently it potentially causes rashes and pustules around the mouth and eyes which doesn't sound good.  And apparently if I start feeling like I have the flu within the first couple of weeks then there's potential for it being something really serious and I need to go to the emergency room.  That's super rare though.  So tomorrow I need to head to get that prescription filled.  I'm not sure how much it will be at Target pharmacy, apparently the price on it varies widely from place to place.  So I might need to go to Costco pharmacy to get it filled, they knew it was only 17 dollars there.  I guess you don't need to be a Costco member to use the pharmacy so that's good.  I'm not sure where the nearest Costco is though so I might have to do some digging tomorrow if it is more expensive at Target.

When I got home from the clinic I went to work on my laptop.  I had tried to reinstall windows using the disks from HP but they failed each time I tried so I went back to Ubuntu.  I downloaded supposedly a full retail copy of windows that someone linked up on my facebook stream and tried that with VirtualBox.  It installed fine but when I got to the part where you enter the product key the key from my OEM copy that come with my laptop it told me that the key I entered didn't match the SKU of the Windows I was installing.  That made me pretty upset, I should be able to install the operating system that I bought when I paid for the laptop.  I hate proprietary software like this, hobbled to keep it from installing. 

I had also tried to install the ATI driver for my graphics card before I tried to install Windows and then I did a system update and after the update when I rebooted it would only go into low graphics mode without a mouse cursor and keyboard navigation wouldn't let me do anything.  So I had to wipe and reinstall Ubuntu again.  So tomorrow I'm going to have to work on reinstalling all of the software I need to code on the laptop again.  I'm not really looking forward to having to reinstall everything but it needs to be done.  Hopefully it goes pretty smoothly.

That was about it for today.  I'd post up what I found interesting for web links today but I don't really feel like typing any more tonight. 

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