Happy New Year?


I'm not really sure what to think about 2010, and I really don't know what's in store for 2011...

I don't know, I don't remember years very often, if you ask me when __event_x__ happened I will almost never know what year it happened in.  It seems like most of the time when something goes into my brain it gets processed down to nothing, and the context is usually gone shortly after it goes in.  I remember facts, details about how things work, how they fit together.  I don't remember the details of my own life, if that makes sense.

I think I'll remember 2010.

Trying to think of what all has happened this year and it's hard to think of another year that's had as much packed into it.  And that's considering that I spent the last 4 months just trying to not be stressed and put the pieces back together again.  I thought that I knew what it was like when the world implodes before, but now I feel like I have a whole new appreciation of what it's like when everything that I know falls away and I'm left with nothing.

2010 is the year I got a diagnosis.  2010 is the year I went to a hospital for that diagnosis for the first time.  2010 is the year I first tried 'real' medications for the demons in my head, the first time I asked for help from something outside of myself for anything.  It's the year I almost changed the world with a website, and the same year I had to sell mplsbikelove.com.

So much happened.  Some good, some bad, I think mostly good.  I feel better, like I'm in a better place.  I mean, I know how to make chai now.  That really means a huge difference in my life.  But it took a lot of destruction for that to happen, and I'm still kind of sitting here in the ashes.

I don't even know where to begin processing it, and all I think I've been doing for months is to process.  Sometimes it seems like it's coming together and I'm starting to make sense of everything, and then other times nothing fits at all.  I spend my days trying to think of what to do next, and I have no idea.

I guess that should be one of the things I need to work on in 2011.

Another thing is updating the blog on this site more often, and getting some stuff up in the projects section of this site.  I actually just wrapped up a pretty neat project that was actually the reason I kind of got out of the habit of updating this site.  I'll try to get that up over the weekend.