Oops, didn't manage to post yesterday


In my defense I didn't make it home and to a computer until about 12:30 in the morning.  It was a long day but a good day, here's what happened.  Portions of this post for people in the "Lovers" group only.

I didn't have the same problems getting out of bed Friday as I did on Thursday which was good.  I still ended up getting up a few minutes later than I needed to in order to get to work on time, I think I was 5 minutes late.  That's not too bad.  It was our "Hut Confab" where we talk about what's going on in the company about once a month.  The biggest news was probably our developer leaving.  We're not going to start looking for anyone right away to give him some time to decide if the new job is a good fit and maybe come back if it isn't.  He's going to be working on automated machinery that deforms chickens - irradiating their beaks so they don't grow and clipping their claws and I think another couple things.  I don't think I'd be able to work on a project like that myself, I'd have too much that I felt was ethically wrong about it.

The other big news was how the client I brought in is growing to be a much bigger client than we were expecting.  This is a really good thing, I get a commission on any work that we do with them so that will help me out a whole lot financially.  I'm not sure how much yet but we have a couple really big projects lined up in the next couple of months in addition to the big one that we are doing right now and it only looks like there will be more work if we continue to do good work and help them out.  So I was pretty happy about that.  It's what I was hoping for when I brought them in as a customer of Hutman, so it's nice that it worked out according to plan.  They were simply too big for me to work on any larger projects with them so I was just doing some small work that amounted to less than 150 dollars a month.  Now we're bidding on jobs in the five figure range.

We went out to lunch as a company which was kind of fun.  On the way back we were delayed a couple of minutes by the police because Obama was speaking at the Honeywell plant just down the street from our office and he was on his way to a super expensive lunch with supporters.  We didn't get to see him or anything but my sister in law saw him and was waved at as he headed downtown to the lunch.  I wondered if any of my friends from Occupy were protesting outside the plant, it seemed like there were a few people out there but I didn't get close enough to see if they were supporters or protesters.

After work I had to chill out for about half an hour until it was time to head to a friend's house for a potluck.  I wasn't able to bring any food because I'd been working all day and not cooking but they said that was cool so I headed over.  I brought a second jug of chai so that I would have something to drink there besides the small keg of summit that they had but I ended up drinking all of it pretty early.  So I ended up having two beers because I didn't really want to head home or just be drinking water for several hours.  I actually enjoyed it this time, I felt like I was maybe more connected to the people there in some way but I could have just been imagining that.  I didn't get drunk but I did get a little tipsy and could certainly feel it by the time that I rode home, though that could have just been me being pretty tired by the time that I left.

I found myself wondering if it could be possible for me to become a "social drinker" and only drink to be out and sociable with people.  There were quite a few things that I didn't like about it though, especially the fact that so many people were smoking and I kept having cravings for a cigarette too.  I'd hate for drinking to lead to smoking again, it was really hard to quit the cigarettes, probably much more than the liquor was and the liquor wasn't easy at all.  So I think in the future in such situations I'm probably just going to leave early when I run out of chai rather than sit around and tempt myself.  I'm just really not social enough to want to make that big of a change just to be around people.  It was nice but I'm not sure that it was really for me.

I didn't end up with the massive depression like I had when I just sat at home by myself when I got drunk though, in fact I woke up this morning feeling pretty good about life in general.  I still didn't get out of bed all that quickly but that was mostly because I was having good dreams about a post apocalypse world.  I always enjoy dreams where the entire structure of civilization has been destroyed and we get to build it back up as something new.  I can't remember the specifics of this dream but I found myself thinking I could write a great science fiction story about it if I could just remember them.  At any rate it leads me to believe that the alcohol will probably simply enhance any emotional state that I'm in so it's probably not a good idea to drink anything when I'm already depressed, that was one of the things that I was thinking about in terms of being a social drinker - could it just help me relax and connect with people and lead to a better state of mental health overall?  It certainly seems like most of the people that I know the main things that they do together is drink or ride bicycles or both, I've really been out of the loop on both those things lately.  I really don't have answers, just more questions and things to think about and weigh the costs vs the benefits. 

There were actually several women at the potluck that I thought were very interesting and wanted to get to know better.  There was even one who seemed to also be interested in me and kept asking questions but I felt bad that I didn't have a good answer for "What do you do besides work and ride bicycles?" There really isn't anything, it made me really feel like I was too boring to ever actually be attractive to anyone.  Still it was nice to actually talk to a woman and have her actually seem interested back, that seems pretty rare.  It had me really thinking about the drinking, would it be possible for me to make such a major change in my life just simply to try and find someone to love?  And what would that mean to the resulting relationship, especially if after I end up starting a relationship I decide that the drinking is too much for me and I want to go back to sobriety?  What would there be for us to do together?  When I first got sober it killed my relationship at the time, there were several things wrong with the relationship anyway but she kept wanting to do the same things we always did which was going out to bars together.  I don't know if I'd be able to handle that or not.  Probably not, and I can't see someone wanting to stay with me if I made such a major change like that.

But it does seem to be such a big way in which people in the US meet each other and hook up.  Seems like alcohol is almost always involved.  Even when I was a drinking man though I never trusted the opinion of drunk girls if they liked me, I always wanted to know if they would still find me attractive if they were sober.  I didn't want them to have to be drunk to want me.  It didn't seem like you could really make informed consent when you were drunk, even though back then I didn't know words like "informed consent" back then.  So I don't know how I really feel about using liquor in such a way, it seems like cheating in a way, or at least meeting someone under false pretenses.  I'm not sure if it's worth trying to follow up this way of trying to meet someone.  I don't really see many other ways to do it though.

That was about it for yesterday.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do today or tomorrow, seems like a pretty long weekend to spend alone doing nothing.  I have a few hours of work maybe to do on the website for the Waterbirth Resources website but that won't fill up the whole weekend.  I will probably get a ride in, I'm thinking of heading to REI and buying either a tent or cooking gear.  Then out of my next paycheck I'll buy the other of whichever one I don't buy this weekend.  I might head out to Micro Center and buy a copy of Windows 7 to install on my laptop as a virtual machine.  Probably put some hours into installing a LAMP stack and syncing up my web root with my desktop.  I started watching the series "Touch" so I might end up watching more of that if it's actually any good.  There's not really much else for me to do, maybe clean my house which is really overdue as well.  I can't even remember the last time I mopped my kitchen and bathroom because I didn't have a mophead for my mop but I ordered four new mopheads from the internet because the stores locally didn't carry the kind that I needed and I didn't want to buy a whole new mop and I really liked how the Mr. Clean Eraser mops worked.  So now I have the mophead I need but I still haven't been motivated enough to actually sweep and mop since they arrived.  So that probably needs to be on the list of things to do today or tomorrow.

I'm not going to bother with a list of links that I found on the net in this post, there really weren't that many things anyway since I wasn't spending the whole day yesterday plugged into a computer.